hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
