Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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