I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Randomize
