I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize