I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
