Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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