roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
