I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
