Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
