Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
