when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
