Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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