I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
