My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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