After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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