i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
