Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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