it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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