Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
