i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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