dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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