Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
