We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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