I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
