Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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