The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize