I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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