I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
