All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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