My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
