TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
