He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
