Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You need Xanax blowdarts
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
there is glitter all over my balls
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