I met the friendliest cop last night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
