I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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