He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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