I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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