I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
