she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
