This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
