I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Randomize
