broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
