meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize