I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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