OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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