My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
