I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
