Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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