Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is classic penis vs brain.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize