The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
