dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
