just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
