In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
