so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I love you.
Bad choice
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
