I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i think im in europe. pls send help
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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