...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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