also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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