Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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