Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
