does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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