can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
