I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
