Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You can't special order awesome
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
