i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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