god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
