Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
