oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
