Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We have started to decorate penises.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
