He kissed a someone with a penis
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
