OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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