I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
