she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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