Did you just see the Batmobile???
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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