all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize