i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
