ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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