Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
