eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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