Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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