i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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