ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
