He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
