This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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