He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
