He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
