What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize