she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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