I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
