Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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