I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize