You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
