a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
