All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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