official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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