Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So much rum. So many feels.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
